But I haaaave to

I know I already posted today, but something big happened, and I have to get it out. Besides, you will understand why it's big.

I cried.

For the girl who cries daily, sometimes many times a day, why is this a big deal?

It's a big deal because I cried because I was touched. I have not been touched since I watched the movie I Am Sam when I was maybe 15. That's 8 years, but who's counting? (That'd be me).

Stuck without words, my ever-generous mother lent me nearly $200 so that I could purchase an iPod Touch and speak whenever I wanted to. I have so much to say (well, you know that by now)... but my mouth doesn't always cooperate. Sometimes I open my mouth and all I get is crying. Sometimes (often), all I get is "Hi, Els." Sometimes I get gagging. And, sometimes, I get some words. There's a lot of deep breaths and contorting my face involved, and it's very broken speech, but sometimes it'll cooperate... usually in the afternoon.

Anyway, when I got my iPod on Saturday my mom told me that (for real this time!) I'd need to pay her back, because she has dental work to pay off that ran in the thousands. I promised her that I would (and, really, I always will, but she never holds me to it. Or she accepts the ten bucks then fills up my gas tank. You get the idea. She's a mom).

Right, well, I can't work... not even sure Heather will have me watch the boys anymore with the whole no words thing... and that SSI hearing isn't even for another month, which could go either way, and even if I do get SSI, the money takes a while to come in.

So, I set out to sell my book. I expected, well, not much. And what happened? I've sold ten copies in two days. Okay, so that's $80, but that's also ten people, who will surely lend it out, who will learn about autism. That's huge.

And then, hoping and praying, I set up a GiveForward site (keep tabs here), again, not really expecting much. In fact, my mom flat out told me that people weren't going to help me and that people wouldn't like it if I didn't speak. In 24 hours, that site has raised $75! I am now just $25 away from my goal.

My mom will be paid in full within the month. But more than that, she will be proven wrong.

Wait, what?

You see, I don't believe that people are good. I believe that people are bad and that any good done is God working through them, whether they know it or not. But my mom will learn that people DO help each other when they need it... perfect strangers. Everyone from my sister, who loves me to the moon and back, to people on a message board I post on, to friends from near and far and ones I've never met at all, to one of my Food Network heros (cough ANNE BURRELL cough), to the O'D family who I've never met nor heard of, to the anonymous donors. They help. They stand behind me.

And someday, I hope and pray that I'll be able to stand behind them when they need help. I don't know that that will ever be in a financial sense, but somehow, I pray that I can help them. Help you.

And this is what brought the weird sensation in my face (that, honestly, takes me quite a while to discern if I feel happy, sad, or sneezy)... but this time, it was happy and tears. Well, I'll be.