Friday, October 23, 2009

Anxiety, times a billion

All of your positive thoughts and prayers must have gotten where they were going, because my interview actually went very well! As in, I did not tell the woman that I have autism (the opportunity just never presented itself), and she said that I interviewed well. There must have been some Divine intervention there, I tell you, because interviewing and I normally would not get along. I don't know if/when I'll hear anything, but I'll tell you what I know whenever it is that I know it.

The anxiety isn't budging. In fact, it's getting kind of crisis-y. I don't really know what else to say about that. I wish I knew why this happened, but I don't. It's so random, it seems. It just hits, and then it increases over some weeks until it's completely out of control. My mom says that I should take a few days off work if I can't handle it. My stepdad says I most certainly should not, that I'll risk losing my job. One of the things that upsets me most is when I get conflicting instructions from people. Now I really don't know what to do. I guess, unless I'm actively having a panic attack as I'm getting out of the car, I'll go to work and stay as long as I can handle it. I've disappeared into the back room, panicked, and come back out to continue working before. It's slow enough that I can get away with that. But, you know, just wondering... how much longer do I have to live like this?


  1. Have you tried some alternative type medicines? I get very anxious from tome to time, although probably nothing like you experience. I use Bach's Flower Remedy. You can put drops on your tongue, or spray it in your mouth or rub a cream into your skin.

    All I can say is it got me through pregnancy and childbirth three times!

  2. Congratulations on the good interview. Waiting now to hear if you get the job.

  3. Sorry to hear you're feeling more anxiety. All I can tell you is I've heard from a lot of parents the same thing about their kids right now. We've speculated: weather change, not as much physical activity or sunshine, etc. I'm sure all the things have added up for you, too: and an interview! You're a champ!

  4. Well I've had a thought about your anxiety - feel free to put me right - if your anxiety is worse when you have less to do at work could you do some kind of stock take or admin/behind the scenes work instead of sitting at the counter clock watching? Rather than sya you want time off, could you have a chat to your boss about filling your time with a project? There's usually some kind of finite project that needs doing, something that won't drag on but woold distract you for a bit?