Some kids with autism like to watch the same segment of video over, and over, and over. When I was about 2, I had a thing for "Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work we go..." from Snow White. It was on a sing along video tape and I used to cry for Hi ho. I had never seen Snow White and most likely wouldn't have given it the time of day. But Hi ho, now that was magic. (For the record, but my doesn't remember this. Or my tantrums. Or me hitting my cousins. Sigh).
Anyway, I'm having major anxiety at work again. It starts as soon as I get up on any day that I work, and it increases until I get to work. It's intense the whole time I'm there, and then it gets better when I finally get home.
Everyone agrees that my anxiety wouldn't be so bad if I actually had something to do at work. I totally agree. I go, and I sit. I read for an hour. I Facebook for a half hour. I do 10 minutes of work. I read for 20 minutes. I go on break. I read, Facebook, then clean up and go home. It's basically the same every time. There's so little work to do that, short of e-mails and Facebook, there's nothing for me to do there. The anxiety builds and builds. It's worst when I have to talk to a customer, because I tend to mess up with customers. I forget that I have to treat them like people and not like objects. Ugh.
I have an interview for a new job tomorrow. The job involves an after-school program through the YMCA at the local elementary school-- doing games, snacks, and homework with the kids. I've done three or four programs like that (experience, see?) in the past, and I love them. It would be 3 hours a day, 15 hours a week, which is perfect for right now. 3 hours is the perfect amount of time for me to be out of my house without getting overwhelmed. Also, I'd be busy, which would hopefully help to abate the anxiety. That's the hope.
The big issue is how poorly I interview. You know... stimming, lack of eye contact, lots of pauses in my speech... all things that don't go over well "professionally." Leigh suggests that when they ask why I'm not teaching, even though I have a degree in Elementary Education, that I explain that I have mild autism and that it's too hard for me to be away from home for more than 4-5 hours at a time, but that I'm perfectly fine for shorter periods of time and great with kids. Not to mention all that experience in this area!
So, do me a favor tomorrow morning, and send me all of your positive thoughts and prayers, please? I'd really appreciate it. I'll let you know how it all turns out.