If I didn't have autism

If I didn't have autism, then I would be more.
I could go to work everyday.
I could make more money.
I could make my own way in this world.

If I didn't have autism, then I would do more.
I could sit outside on the Fourth of July and watch the fireworks.
I could go out with friends after a long day.
I could go to the mall with my family, and still be able to go out to eat.

If I didn't have autism, then I would live more.
I could travel to faraway places without fearing the disruption of routine.
I could visit friends without worrying about how to act normal for so long.
I could try exciting foods, go to concerts, and go to movies without overwhelming my senses.

But if I didn't have autism, I would miss all the joy in life.
No hiding under sunglasses and a white hat.
No more weighted blanket after a busy day.
No more cats. No more cats?!

It's not an easy choice. I don't think it ever will be.

Today, I'll keep autism.