Mom: Lydia, can you bring in the groceries?
Me: I'm very nervous!
Mom: What?
Me: I'm very nervous!
Mom: I heard you. Why are you nervous?
Me: Because there's ice behind the car and the groceries are in the trunk.
(This one I actually caught before I said and rephrased, though, so this is a "what almost happened" example).
Me: Dana (therapist running group), my ears are hurting.
Dana: (she would look at me with a confused, scrinched up face). Excuse me?
Me: Could you please be a little quieter?
Me:... (finishes a story). Now what do you want to tell me about?
Friend: What?
Me: What do you want to tell me about now? What do you want to talk about?
Friend: The usual way to ask that is, "How are you?"
Me: Is Elsie pretty or is she funny looking?
Leigh: What are you anxious about?
Me: Going on the retreat next weekend...
(Just now, on the phone with Leigh...)
Me: Ughhh... my words are constipated again!
Anyway, those are a few tidbits from the past few days. I don't know how I do it, I just seem to have a strange way of getting my point across. My therapist noted that a lot of times what I say is simply very "me" centered, when someone would expect a "you" statement (ergo, my ears are hurting versus can you please speak more quietly?). Given that I'm kind of 23 going on 12, this makes a lot of sense developmentally.
Personally, I think my way of speaking makes a lot more sense than the socially conventional way. Even if it's not the words most people would use, I find it strange that they sometimes don't understand what I'm saying when I think I'm being very clear.
For the time being, I guess it's okay, because people usually tell me that it's "cute" or some version of such. But you know, cute is okay when you're 23 and look 16. What about when you're 43, or 63? Can you still pull off childlike and cute? I worry.
i always like hearing different ways of saying things. it makes me actually stop and listen and think. so often i waste words without even thinking about what i'm saying. i agree that the way you say things makes a lot more sense. "my ears are hurting" is much more helpful and informative than "could you be quieter."
ReplyDeletei'm praying for you and the upcoming retreat!
I love those phrases! And you know what? It clearly communicates exactly what you mean. As a writer, I love the words that really convey your meaning rather than trite and true cliches that people usually say ... like please and how are you.
ReplyDeleteHallie speaks the same way, and loses words when she's anxious and upset in the same way, too. And I do agree that you are communicating exactly how you feel and what you are thinking without those layers of social convention plaster on top (and what this amounts to is euphemism, really, and as such quite annoying). It's just a matter of getting the rest of the world (i.e, NTs) to give up their beloved euphemisms. Then, perhaps we could all have a real conversation!
ReplyDelete