Sunday, October 17, 2010

Say it with me

I say: God is good!

You say: All the time!

I say: All the time!

You say: God is good!

Or if you're the founder of Emmaus House, Lorraine, you say what her aunt told her when she was younger: "God is good and He said He would!"

I have no idea in which direction my life is headed right now. All I know is that my funding ran out today and I'm back at Mom's with Elsie P. I don't know what tomorrow brings.

I do know that Lorraine and the head of the Autism Waiver, Dr. Sutton, are working very hard to pass my Waiver paperwork through ASAP and get me back to Emmaus sometime this week. But that's not definite... just what everyone is hoping for.

I don't know if I'll ever move back into my own apartment, as much as I love it. It might be manageable with frequent staff (like all waking hours), but not how it was. I just fall apart too quickly when I'm alone so much.

I don't know if I'll go back to work anytime soon. I'd like to stay on one day a week, but if I'm staying in respite for more than a few weeks at Emmaus, Mom's not sure it's a good idea to stay on at all. That would mean literally no income. None. Nothing. Nothing from the government right now, either. But then, in respite, how much money do you really need? Your food is paid for, gas is paid for, all the big things are covered. If I do quit, I hope it's on good terms so that someday, when I'm in my own place with staff, and Boss has an opening, she will hire me back. That's the goal.

The hard part is that what I'm capable of on a good day is so great compared to what I can do on a bad day. And there are different sorts of bad days. There are days where it is hard to move (I get anxious if I'm not in "my spot"). There are days when I don't eat much. There are days when I'm just horribly depressed. Regardless of the sort of bad day I'm having (autism bad day, anxiety bad day, depression bad day), it helps to have other people around, so respite is a good thing.

I'll keep you updated, and remember: God is good!

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