Hoping for a miracle

Well, things can never be easy.

My funding for staying at Emmaus runs out Sunday. The Waiver, while approved, hasn't really been set up and so cannot pay for much at this time. They're trying to expedite the paperwork so that funding will come through. Insurance won't cover it because it's not mental health, technically (though they will cover a much, much more expensive hospital stay) and MR services won't cover someone with autism. I'm betwixt and between, just like always, and no one knows what to do with me.

So I probably go home, back to my own house, Sunday around 5pm. Getting me out of my environment helped a lot, and I'm safe here with staff. But can I really go from full-blown suicidal to ready to go back to my apartment in four days? That's what they're asking me to do.

In the meantime, it's wonderful here. There is no therapy, but I don't need therapy right now. I need to be safe and calm and let things blow over. Then, and only then, will I consider therapy. Maybe that's not the way "they" like to do it, but that's what works best for me.

Please send prayers my way. I know I just asked, but I need to ask again. I'm scared about what will happen, and I don't want to go to the hospital. I want to stay here for a week or two and then go home (with staff at my house). Why, why, why can't I just get what I need?