Decisions

I have a big decision to make, and I don't have long to make it.

I know I'm not safe at home. If I knew that, say, on Monday, I could go to respite, I think I could make it. But I don't know. It could be weeks.

So my only other option is the hospital, and I'm leaning toward going, but I'm still not positive. Mom said she'll take me down anytime during the day, just not at night, because the DEC (emergency) is a nightmare at night. She's going to call me when my aunt gets to the office (family business) for my decision.

I'm halfway packed.

If I knew I'd end up on a good floor (young adult floor, depression/anxiety floor) I'd go, but I don't know that. I could end up on the autism/MR floor, which is wracked with the stench of urine and has people screaming 24/7. Not a place to get better. Last time I went, they said I was too "high-functioning" (not my favorite descriptor) for that floor, but what if the person doing the intake doesn't say that this time? What if there are no beds on the floors I like? What if, by asking, I make her think I'm a beggar (as in, can't be chooser) and tick her off?

I don't know what to do...