Mom talked to the psychiatrist (Dr. J) yesterday and they decided that my Geodon needs to go back up to 60 mg during the day. I can't but feeling like I failed. I desperately want to be on the lower dose, because I'm so much more alert and "with it" minus those 20 mg. I wish I could handle myself appropriately. But instead, I'm more anxious, losing words all the time, not tolerating frustration well at all, crying more, melting more, clingy... a whole list. And lest you think that I noticed the difference and requested that my dose be increased like a mature adult, that's not how it worked. It was me waking Mom up mid-melt down, and her noticing all of the above, and calling the doctor herself. I just happened to transcribe the email Mom wanted written to Dr. J and so I know what she said was becoming problematic. Now that I know, I can look back and see it, but I never would have thought of it myself. It's frustrating to realize what a long way to go I have.
In other news...
I got testing results back, and my functional IQ is about 70, or three standard deviations below average. That puts me functionally in the mild-moderate MR/ID range. A bit disheartening, but hey, I can just work hard and hope that this number increases with age.
Leigh informed me that Jesus was an INFJ (Myers-Briggs Personality Type). It's the rarest personality type (less than 1% of the population, I read), and Leigh and I are both INFJs.
Speaking of Leigh, guess who came to my house today? We saw my kitty, painted our nails (she was on her way to a wedding), did her laundry cause she spilled coffee on her white shorts in the car, and made quesadillas. Oh, and she brought Tigger (a stuffed animal she got in Disney World last October, when we went, that I'm rather attached to and like to hold onto because it reminds me of Leigh).
We have company coming tomorrow... friends of my parents; a couple and a single man. I've met the couple and they're very nice (the wife called Mom just to ask if I would be here, which made me feel good) and I haven't met the guy. I'm really nervous because of my words. I hope they like Elsie.
This is post #202. I wanted to mention when I hit 100, then 200, and... forgot. They were important posts that would have been interrupted by such a notation. So, I tell you now. Has anyone been here since the beginning? Leave a comment and let me know if you have, cause that's pretty cool.