I woke up the next morning to find a note from Mom on my computer. It said that she knew I was just angry and didn't know what to do and that I didn't mean what I said, because I'd never say those things. That it deeply hurts a parents when she can't fix her child's pain. That she wishes she could, and that all she wants to do is make it go away when I hurt. It says that she's glad I called and that she hopes I'll continue to do so, because she's my mom and it's her job to help me. That some things are too big to handle alone.
I called Medical at work, and so far no one on their end is talking about putting my girl down. Last night when I made a trip to work to give someone a ride home as a favor (her car broke down), Cindy Lou Who had eaten all of her food. We sang and danced together :)
I emailed the Medical Director at work and asked that if it comes to putting her down, that I be notified as far in advance as possible. I asked that 1. I be able to adopt Cindy Lou Who as my own cat if they put her down, so she dies with an owner (to make me feel better) and 2. I be able to hold Cindy Lou Who while they do it (to make her feel better). As hard as it would be, I would do it for my baby. No response from C just yet, but I'm hoping I'll hear from her on Monday.
In other news, Sarah and Justin both came over last night to hang out and talk and do puzzles. We all had a great time. Then, J (my friend, and she will attest to that fact) called from work because her husband's car broke down and she absolutely had no way home, short of paying a cab $75. She lives 40 minutes from work, and so do I, so it's a long trip, but I absolutely know she'd do it for me. It turns out Justin knew the way and wanted me to ride in his brand-spankin'-new car, so Justin was nice enough to do the driving. I was happy because I got to see my Cindy Lou Who at work and see Joan for a bit. Anyway, we talked so much in the car, and I had to keep up with the obligatory "yeahs" and "uh huhs" that I came home and lost my words completely. Normally, a good night's sleep brings them back, but I slept terribly due to a migraine and so they're still not back. I'm a little nervous. I'm going to church to help with the kids tonight, and I won't be able to talk much, if at all.
It's times like this that I wish I had a portable text-to-speech (TTS) program like Proloquo2go. Chloe and I have been checking out the iPod touch and Proloquo2go, and we really like it. Unfortunately, it's about $259 for the touch and another $189 for the TTS, so way out of my budget, even during Christmastime. The Autism Waiver covers assistive technology, but I don't know if I can convince them that I need it, as I am sometimes quite verbal (just only about limited topics and limited periods of time). Wish me luck, though, as it seems like my only option.