Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Update, again.

So, yesterday, after heaps of anxiety and several doses of Klonopin (it's similar to Valium) that weren't even taking the edge off, my mom and my therapist and I all agreed that I needed to talk to the HR manager about my hours. My mom took me into work to do just that.

I found her and said, all in one breath, "Hi. I'm Lydia, in photo. I just called you? I love working there. Really, I love it. But there's one problem, and that's that because of my autism, I can't handle the 8-hour shifts. The lights and the noise are just way too much for me after about 5 hours. I want to do a good job, and after 5 hours, I can't even speak to people anymore. My boss said that there was nothing she could do, and I know if she said that it's because she really can't because it's only she and I down there, but please, is there anything you can do? I'm willing to move departments, but I can't keep with the 8-hour shifts."

She called my boss up, and here's the problem with me only doing 4 hours: it leaves my boss unable to EVER take a day off. Ouch. So when my boss goes on vacation next week, if I can only work half days, who is supposed to pick up the hours if I can't? I wish I could just be tough and say, "Their problem, not mine!" but I feel awful. They do NOT have to create a shorter shift for me, legally, but for now they're going to because my boss wants to keep me there. I think they're going to hire someone new and split that person between two departments, photo and the childcare center (where I've also been a few times, where parents drop their kids off while they shop). Then, that person can help us out when we're stuck. If that doesn't work out, I'll be replaced and moved somewhere else.

I wish I could say that this solved my anxiety problem, but it hasn't. I'm still a mess. I'm going to have my mom call the doctor today or tomorrow and see what can be done, because I can't keep dealing like this. In the mean time, I have two 8-hour shifts left at work, today and Friday. If you could send me your positive thoughts and prayers, I'd appreciate it immensely, all of you who know how hard it can be out in the world.


  1. Lydia, my prayers are with you. I pray that you'll be able to find a solution which works for everyone. I'll also pray that the Lord will make his presence known and real to you while you are working these next eight hours shifts. I pray that in your weaknesses He will make your strong.

  2. Good for you for taking care of yourself Lydia. It must have been tough to talk to your boss.

    I am visualizing you calm and feeling good. Remember to breath sweet girl!

  3. Will send you lots of good thoughts.

    It's a shame your boss isn't able to take a day off, but it's good that they did consider the shifts.

    Aren't HR managers (the good ones) great?

    With all the toughness from the recession, somebody else might want/need a part-time job as well.

    I know several people who are taking Klonopin, like Bridget Mahoney, the artist. It's really important not to take tranquillisers for any sort of anxiety, especially the kind which is aggravated by situational factors rather than the biological. Of course the two interact.

    And what do you think of working in the childcare part? Do let us know next time you are there.

  4. Sending you huge highland hugs and happy thoughts. Like Michelle said, breathe. Breathe deep and slow and if you can't manage that try humming a tune then you'll have to.