Tuesday, September 1, 2009

10 reasons to go away

1. It's too loud
2. I've just talked to several new people in a row
3. There are more than a few people in the room
4. There's a lot of motion in the room
5. I've been socializing for a while
6. I have to pay attention to where I'm walking
7. Fluorescent lights
8. My clothes are bothering my skin
9. I'm trying to talk to someone in a room with other talking going on
10. Someone invades my space

Where do I go? I go away to where the world is only sensory, reduced to hard and soft, rough and smooth, hot and cold. There, scratching my hands until they bleed or hitting my head on a concrete wall a hundred times over brings immense relief. Sometimes, I hide under the bed where darkness gives my tired eyes and ears a break. Other times, my weighted blanket allows my whole body to relax. Please don't try to engage me in conversation, because my words have been lost. All I care about is finding the right kind and amount of sensory stimulation to satisfy my over-taxed body and mind, in that moment. I can hear you, and if I try hard enough, I can understand, but it's no longer important to me. Just give me a break. Let me watch my fingers split the light in front of my eyes. Wait a while as I play with my Tangle toy (hey, I've seen you play with it too). Why don't you check your e-mail or make that phone call while I hide in the bathroom and hit my forehead with the back of my hand? It'll bring me back. I'll be back with you again. It might be a few minutes, or it might be a few hours, or it could even be longer than that. I'm sorry I can't tell. But just give me time, and I'll be talking again.


  1. Thank you so much for that post. As a mom of an autistic son, it helps so much to read what you are going through. You sound so much like my little guy. I really appreciate the insight.

  2. Thank you...this sounds very familiar.. actually it's familiar for ME (I am a parent of 14 year old aspie).