Sparkly shoes and kitty cats

In any Top 10 Reasons Why Holidays Are Rough list, I guarantee you won't see this.

"Because I... don't get it."

Now don't get me wrong; I can tell you the definition of "maundy" and even the Latin word from which it comes, and I know the stories of Good Friday and Easter...

But something's missing.

Good Friday is the day that we remember that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, right? But first of all, it seems a little random to me, because we don't actually know what day Jesus died. Then, even if we did, we don't remember exactly every year but rather every sort-of year. And then, a year, well, that's kind of a human creation that designates a periodic passing of time, you know? It's not an objective, imposed-upon-us, kind of thing... a year on our calendar is 365 days, but on other calendars it was other amounts of days which had other numbers of hours in them... so really, it's kind of random.

And then, just because I remember doesn't necessarily evoke any certain emotion in me. I remember that my grandma died. I remember that my Jesus died. I remember that I went to Disney World. But there is no emotion connected with any of those. They just... are.

But right here and now? Now there's some happy! I have a cat! I got sparkly shoes today! I went to the movies! I didn't have a panic attack at church (though I think I sat and prayed for a total of maybe, maybe two minutes)! New staff person was good and "loves" my cat and thinks she's "beautiful" (her words)! Tomorrow I will meet a service dog trainer and interrogate him... I mean, ask him questions... about his program and his dogs! And Easter Sunday? More happy, because I get to spend an extra whole day with Mom! Not just Saturday, but Sunday too?! Too good to be true. So, I know Easter is for remembering the Resurrection... but really, I'm more focused on seeing Mom.

I feel like this doesn't quite make me the best Christian. In the past a friend has told me that God would understand that my limitations because this is the way He created me... but I don't want Him to need to cut me a break. I want to just do what I should do, like everybody else.

But... I have a sleepy cat and sparkly shoes...