Friday, April 8, 2011


I know I say this a lot, but I'm so done.

To update you on the email to the woman in charge of the conference, basically, she felt badly and had no idea how it came across. She said of course I can bring someone with me at no charge (though I'd told her that at this point, I don't think anyone can come). In light of that, she offered a volunteer to sit with me for the day. Other years, that might have been okay, but not this year. Not now. I'm too... something... to be able to sit with a stranger for that long. Or any bit of time.

In other news my frustration tolerance is nil. In the time I've been writing this, my computer has deleted everything I've written twice, made my font bold twice, brought up a new page, and I forget what else. I can't do anything on here, on my lovely new computer, without things going nuts. There is no virus; it has done this since day 1 and gotten increasingly worse. I scream, and pound on my desk, and bite, and everything else, because I can't handle it.

Also, did you know that the ONE place that will train a service dog for an adult with autism is 800 miles away and wants $15,000? Yeah, I don't have that. There are plenty of places that will do it at no cost to you, only they only train for children. There are places that say online that they do autism, and when you call, they don't. At this point, I'm planning to apply for a social support dog. He/she wouldn't be able to go out with me, which is kind of half the purpose of the dog, but would be able to be a well-trained dog at home with me.

My BSS is due to come at noon. She's loud. And she asks me very personal questions that I'm not comfortable answering, especially when I've only met her once. I guess it's her job, but she seems to have no sense that they make me uncomfortable. She wants to come to activities with Laura and I, but honestly... I make a HUGE effort to blend in as well as I can. Huge. Having a CI with me (granted, one who works really hard to blend in too) makes me stand out more. Having a CI and a BSS who stands there with a clipboard? No thank you. I'm not comfortable. It's going to be an interesting meeting with her when I'm currently unable to speak.

Anyway, sorry for the meandering and disorganized nature of this post, but that's me right now.

1 comment:

  1. I am wondering if you could contact the agency and request a different BSS. Or even switch to a different agency? I know with children's services, we can do either of those things, but I didn't know if there were as many choices with adult services. You really need someone who understands that you are an adult and respects your needs and desires.

    I'm so sorry to hear that you are running into such difficulties with the dog issue as well. I can only imagine how incredibly frustrating it all is right now.

    I'm glad that at least it sounds like the CI is working out pretty well. {{{HUGS}}} and hope you have a better day!