Sunday, November 21, 2010


It's like pulling teeth to write a normal, cohesive post right now. I'm convinced in the lithium. I'll ask my doctor, but isn't it a known fact that people with bipolar lose their creativity when they're on meds?

But here's something that rattles around in my mind sometimes, and I thought I'd share it with you.

I was thinking that autism is more or less noticeable at different times in someone's life. Of course, the specific age-to-noticeability ratio varies from person to person. I'll just explain in my own life...

I can't put a numbe rof years or a percentage or any mathematical formula on my social and emotional delays. I know that at 5, I was probably closer to about 3 (still tantruming frequently, no control of emotions). At 10, I was probably more like 7 (still wanted to play games and with toys when my friends were outgrowing those things). At 15, I was socially about 10 or 11, still wanting one girlhood best friend when the rest of the crowd was into cliques and all that jazz. At 22, emotionally I'm still preteen, and to be honest I can't put a number on where I'm at socially. Kind of all over the place when it comes to different skills. I see my 9-year-old sister pick up on things I don't, but in some ways I'm more mature than a lot of teenagers.

But here's the part that rattles around in that brain of mine. When you're 5 and act 3 or so, it's fairly noticeable. When you're 10 and act 7, though? Not so much. Children mature at different rates, after all. A 15-year-old who is emotionally 10 is quite noticeable again, but a young adult who acts like a teenager isn't that uncommon, so no one really notices.

My mom says... I forget the word she used, exactly... but she says I'm on a plateau, developmentally. I'm not really gaining any new skills, not really getting much better socially, not really becoming any more independent in the last few years.

When you have a 22-year-old who acts like a child, it may be alright, but once I'm 40, people might really notice. That's what scares me. I'm a big fan of blending in as well as I can.

Alright, I'm completely posted-out. Can't squeeze... out... another... word!


  1. Always thought it at least partly depended on the noticers and what they are noticing/looking for.

    Ah! Critical periods! They rattle around in my own brain and heart also.

  2. it is interesting, my friend. i sometimes think about rhema - up until about five, no one really noticed her differences. as she gets older, the gaps get wider.

    i got no answers. except matthew 6 comes to mind: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself."

  3. Well my two girls certainly widened the gap with their peer group the older they got but so far, at 13 and 11, they have developed in leaps rather than a slow steady curve. They bob along and you think you and they are getting nowhere then all of a sudden whoosh!! There they are at the next level but two happy and quite the thing. A Classic example would be Scrumpy and swimming. She had a scare when she was 4 or 5 when she was bowled over by a wave in the sea. It took us ages to get her to go in the pool again (never mind the sea!) and then, this is about 5 years later, she would only go in the baby pool which came up to her knees. Next thing we know - this is after a year or more - she went straight to the deep end of the big pool and jumped right in, swam under water and on top of it, dived for weights on the bottom happy as a lark -- or should I say fish?!

    My point is, plateaus are not flat-lines, they're just marking time.

    How about asking about another med instead of the lithium? I'm sure the right one is out there.

  4. Well, I'll definitely ask my doctor how my lithium levels turn up on the blood work when I see her in December. If the blood levels are now normal, that means I actually need the added lithium, and this is how I'm supposed to be. I don't want to risk going full-blown bipolar (something the doctor at respite said could actually happen in the future) for the sake of creativity. But I'll inquire for sure.