It's like pulling teeth to write a normal, cohesive post right now. I'm convinced in the lithium. I'll ask my doctor, but isn't it a known fact that people with bipolar lose their creativity when they're on meds?
But here's something that rattles around in my mind sometimes, and I thought I'd share it with you.
I was thinking that autism is more or less noticeable at different times in someone's life. Of course, the specific age-to-noticeability ratio varies from person to person. I'll just explain in my own life...
I can't put a numbe rof years or a percentage or any mathematical formula on my social and emotional delays. I know that at 5, I was probably closer to about 3 (still tantruming frequently, no control of emotions). At 10, I was probably more like 7 (still wanted to play games and with toys when my friends were outgrowing those things). At 15, I was socially about 10 or 11, still wanting one girlhood best friend when the rest of the crowd was into cliques and all that jazz. At 22, emotionally I'm still preteen, and to be honest I can't put a number on where I'm at socially. Kind of all over the place when it comes to different skills. I see my 9-year-old sister pick up on things I don't, but in some ways I'm more mature than a lot of teenagers.
But here's the part that rattles around in that brain of mine. When you're 5 and act 3 or so, it's fairly noticeable. When you're 10 and act 7, though? Not so much. Children mature at different rates, after all. A 15-year-old who is emotionally 10 is quite noticeable again, but a young adult who acts like a teenager isn't that uncommon, so no one really notices.
My mom says... I forget the word she used, exactly... but she says I'm on a plateau, developmentally. I'm not really gaining any new skills, not really getting much better socially, not really becoming any more independent in the last few years.
When you have a 22-year-old who acts like a child, it may be alright, but once I'm 40, people might really notice. That's what scares me. I'm a big fan of blending in as well as I can.
Alright, I'm completely posted-out. Can't squeeze... out... another... word!