Yesterday, I was home by myself all day with the exception of a couple of hours in the afternoon during which I got Mom a Christmas present, spent my free $10 at Kohl's (a hummingbird ornament and a pin for Mom, since she's gotten so much for me lately), and got the mail out at my house. So last night around 7, when Mom and Bob talked about going out for the evening, I piped up, "But Mom, I was home alone all day. I don't want to be home alone all night, too." I understand the need for "them" time, but can't they do it on a day when I haven't been home alone all day, like on a weekend?
Mom and Bob were tired anyway and decided to stick around, so I was content. Then, today in the the car, Mom and I were talking about building my own life, and she said, "Lyd, you can't put all your eggs in one basket." She said she thought I have too much invested in her, and that my life can't revolve around her as it currently does. When I asked for an example, she brought up last night when my only option was to be with her or no one. I said that it's not my fault that Chloe and Leigh and Sister all live so far away and that my friends at the church are married and have children and can't just hang out. I do have friends, just not the hanging out at the drop of a hat kind.
So, as I often do when I have a spark of an idea about something, I emailed Pastor Betsy and asked her if she could think of anyone in the church who might want to hang out sometimes... a high school or college girl or a single woman, perhaps. She can't think of anyone but will keep her eyes open and pray that mine will be opened, too.
All I can say is that waiting on God's timing can be really hard. I want to make a friend and make my mom happy, but I can't do that if God isn't ready to put that person in my life yet. I guess I could try to pull back from Mom a little bit and just spend more time alone, but I would hate that. Yes, this autistic person likes people (as long as it's one at a time!). I can entertain myself for a day if need be, but I don't like to be alone much longer than 24 hours.
One big decision I have coming up is whether to stay in my apartment or move into a group home. Mom doesn't think I'll get more than a few hours a week of help, so she thinks it's time to strongly consider the group home. That would mean giving my cat and riding, because I wouldn't have my car anymore, which I don't think I could do. Those two reasons are enough to make me want to try the apartment again, so I'm probably moving back in a couple of weeks (this weekend is already halfway gone, and next weekend I'm staying at Emmaus House). I wish I knew that, going back, I'd be able to stay there, but I'll just have to try it and find out. Scary, eh?