Sunday, August 15, 2010

Thoughts from my now-empty room

It's official: My mom and Bob and the movers got all my stuff settled into my new house (yes, it's an apartment. Yes, I call it a house. Where I live = my house, k? Good). So I write to you from the family room at home (The new house isn't home yet.), minus most of its furniture. I'm at the card table with a rickety wooden chair. My bedroom has my bed (I took the spare room's double instead of my queen, as the new house has small rooms) and my desk, and that's it. It shall be strange until I get moved over... then, it will be stranger.

Anyway, I didn't expect to go to a wedding and learn about myself, but that's sort of what happened. In no particular order...

- Although my emotions are often confusing to myself and the people closest to me, they can also be totally and completely normal. I got teary at the wedding, just like a bunch of other people.

- A weekend with Leigh encourages and refreshes me like few things do. I believe that being myself, as God created me to be, is the reason for this. I feel this way during worship, with my mom, and with Leigh, and pretty sure nowhere else.

- I'm out of practice for being around my peers. This means that I stand out more than I used to. I think that my world has become so small now that I'm not in college that I've forgotten how to "fake it" around my peers. While the girls (Leigh, her college roommate, and a college friend of theirs) hung out and had a drink or two and did I don't know what, I completely tuned out and read the new Jodi Picoult book in which the main character has Asperger's (for the record, it's... decent, but not fantastic), all 542 pages of it, in one evening. I couldn't even follow their conversation, let alone join in.

- Lack of sleep causes melt downs, just like it used to. I don't think I've been truly short on sleep since I graduated, until this past Friday. I went to bed at 2 AM and got up at 4 AM to get on the bus, and I couldn't get comfortable on the bus to sleep, so I was exhausted by the time we got to the hotel. I skipped my Geodon, which could have something to do with it, but Walmart made me feel sick, and then the prospect of people coming over and being noisy made me start to cry. But I tuned out sufficiently and held it together and went to bed by 10 PM.

- It's a bad idea for me to go places by myself. I leave my wallet at the counter in the Macy's (Leigh grabbed it), leave my phone on the stack of puzzles in the Target (several weeks ago, but my aunt grabbed it), and leave my purse in the dressing rooms. I'm so overwhelmed by lights and sounds and movement that I can't keep track of myself at all. I also get lost easily, which means that crying ensues. And I mean lost as in, if I walk out of the hotel room to go get a soda or ice, as I did once in Disney World, it might take me 2 1/2 hours to find my way back, which that time, it did.

Anyway, the wedding was beautiful (brown and gold with lots of sunflowers), and I'm glad I went. Next wedding is in town on the 21st (next Saturday) for my "other half" from camp growing up. She is marrying our former camp counselor who she has loved since she was a little girl. It's a fairy tale! Not so stressful this time because 1. it's in town and 2. Mom will come. Although I must say, I felt much safer and more sure of myself than I thought I would after being away from Leigh for so long.

A wonderful weekend, a beautiful wedding, the best of friends, and now home to my kitty. Can't ask for more than that.


  1. Wow! It sounds like you did really well. Good job!

  2. It sounds like you did awesome on your trip! I am so happy for you :-)

    I know it will take some time to get settled in the new place and for it to feel like "home" to you. Give yourself lots of time and try to have patience. Elsie might help you feel more at ease once she settles in.

    I'm sending *******magic dust*********** that has lots of good feelings, positive thoughts, and prayers for you :-)

  3. Yes, magic dust coming from over here too :)