No rest for the weary

*I apologize to Leigh, to whom this post will look very familiar due to a conversation we had last night. Oftentimes, ideas for posts come from conversations I have.



My 4-can-a-day Diet Mt. Dew habit drives me nuts. I try to quit, and have sucessfully done so, several times, but it never lasts. First it's just one drink when I'm out. Then it's just one drink in the morning. Then... you get the idea. It snowballs.

There are two reasons I hate this habit of mine. The first is that I don't like to be dependent on something. Now, that might sound funny, coming from someone who depends on cats and her mom and 900 other things just to get through a day. But the idea of being dependent on something chemical just... bothers me. Why eat organic yogurt and granola everyday when you're putting all that crap into your body? I shudder to think of it.

The other reason I hate it is that it requires stopping at the grocery store. Lest you think I'm lazy, it has nothing to do with that. The grocery store is the biggest sensory bombardment there is.

Have you ever thought about everything that goes into a quick run-in for some Diet Mt. Dew?

- get ready to leave the house
Do you have your keys? Your wallet? All those important things that you need and often forget.

- drive to the grocery store
Did I mention that I despise driving and frequently do things like pull right out in front of people, don't take my turn at an intersection, or get beeped at? I drive like a brand new driver, terribly uncomfortable and unsteady.

- park the car

- walk into the grocery store
Dodging cars in the parking lot is a huge problem for me. I get beeped at and almost hit far more often than I'd like.

- find the soda aisle
I'm so overwhelmed by the grocery store that I can never remember where it is. Not to mention that, barraged by the lights and sounds and smells and motion and people, I sometimes wander. Then, I have to find myself, figure out where I've gotten to, and find my way to where I want to be.

- get the soda to the register

- pay
I always use the self-checkouts, because then I don't have to interact with the cashiers. But I can never figure out how they work and get frustrated. Plus, they beep and talk, and they're all beeping and talking at the same time, and it's more than my ears can handle. It makes it really hard to do the paying process.

- get the soda to the car
I have a horrible (like, really horrible) time finding my car when I leave a store. No matter how hard I try to remember, my sense of direction is so bad that I can't reverse how I got to the store and go to the car from the store. I sometimes wander for quite a while before I find it again.

- drive home

As you can see, a quick trip to the grocery store takes a lot of work. I'm worn out by the time I get home. But it's a rare day that I can just go to the grocery store then come home and take a nap. I have to go to therapies or work or make other stops. Today, I have to run to the grocery store and go to a counseling appointment.

Deep breath.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.