Here and gone

As I was driving to Bible study early this morning (shuddup; I call 8:45 early, okay?), I came up with an idea for a blog post. I started to outline it in my head, come up with examples... I even had a title.

And then I lost it.

Maybe it was about Bible study, and how God has worked everything out so perfectly. He found a way for me to get the book (the church provided it for me) that I couldn't afford. He made it comprised of women decades older than myself, with whom I am more comfortable than those my own age. He provided me with a "buddy," Heather, to guide me through the study, stick by me, make sure I'm okay in the large group. He has given me everything I need as I stretch myself and learn more about Him through the book of Esther.

Or maybe it was about the fact that, while I have nearly everything I want, I can't have the thing I want most. Leigh will be moving across the country for graduate school in the coming months. I know that God will use this move to glorify Himself and that I will grow closer to Him through it, but darn it, I don't like it. Not one bit. At all.

Maybe it was about the fact that I can be really, truly, downright mean sometimes. For example, in processing and dealing with Leigh's move, I have said some pretty nasty things to her. I honestly can't see beyond the end of my nose. It hits too close to my heart for me to be rational. She visited this past weekend (another wedding in the area), and we spent half the time with me melting down. Sigh. Sometimes I wish I could be better behaved around Leigh; the fact is that I'm so comfortable around her, that sometimes the ugly is what happens first. It needs to come out somewhere, and it knows it can safely come out around her. Still, that's not fair to her, and I always regret it.

Or was it to tell you that Elsie is doing better, knock on wood? She hasn't thrown up since Thursday night.

It could have been about my interview with my favorite pastor, Pastor Betsy, this morning, for my new book. I wrote up a list of questions to ask her. Mom bought me a little handheld digital voice recorder to use for the new book's interviews, and I made use of that. We chatted for about 45 minutes. She even told me that I'm "really cool," which I thought was, well, really cool.

No, it wasn't any of those. But I honestly can't remember what it was! I'll get back to you if and when I even remember... otherwise, I'll get back to you about something else in a few days, and whatever that thought was will come back around in its own time.