I'm a little exasperated. No, I can't always say when I'm sad, but exasperated is one that comes fairly easily to me, in words. It may even come first.
I want to be around people who get it. People who getting, I long ago deemed "not people." I'm getting worn down from trying so hard to be normal, act normal, look normal, seem normal... I just want a break, and I want to be me. And it's one thing to be me in my own world, which I do every day, but when can I be me in your world, again? Yes, I have autism, I know, and I know that's supposed to mean that I don't want to share anything with you, but... oh, I really do. I try to share my love of my kitty with my mom, but all I get is, "I don't want to pet the cat." I want to share joy with people who get it, with some not people, for a little while, and feel like I fit right in, without having to try.
That strikes a chord for me - I tried soo many times to share my joy with various people and I can always see they "just dont get it" and cant seem to understand why I want to share it or why I am feeling joy over it. I know what you mean. You need to find other autistic people. THEY will get it, I promise. I would get it. :)
ReplyDeleteMy daughter would TOTALLY "get" your love for your cat. Thank you for this post. I will remember to pause and really listen, next time she wants to share one of her joys with me.
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