Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Looking back

It's interesting, relieving, validating to look back and give a name to so many incidents throughout my life.

When I was 2, and I screamed bloody murder when I got put in the "wrong" clothes.
When I was 3, and I got so uncomfortable with the noise at the airport that I my bit hands until they bled.
When I was 4, and I upset my parents by banging my head on the walls.
When I was 5, and I had a melt down at a party because someone offered my Diet Pepsi (I was a die-hard Diet Coke drinker, and I was afraid they'd make me drink Diet Pepsi, which I hated).
When I was 5, and I spent my own birthday party hiding in my room with the cat.
When I was 6, and I was pulled out of first grade for the strangest combination: accelerated reading and small-group social time.
When I was 7, and I spent hours lining up my 22 dolls, undressing them, redressing them, undressing them, re-redressing them...
When I was 8, and a school report came back that described me as, "stubborn" and "marching to the beat of a drum that only she can hear."
When I was 10, and I had one melt down after another on "wonderful" beach vacations.
When 12, and I got made fun of for my "OCD" or needing things "just so" by my friends for the first time.
When I was 13, and I hated to go to the pool, dances, and sleepovers.
When I was 15, and I had a melt down at my first part time job (it was a noisy place).
When I was 16, and I spent my sister's college graduation and then graduation party hiding inside, unable to talk.
When I was 17, and I started college but couldn't handle the independence and had to temporarily come back home.
The last four years, which I've spent avoiding dances and going out; collapsing after a few hours of class, unable to handle any evening meetings or obligations; having to feign illness because I lost my words when I had to give a presentation; getting on the wrong sides of professors for not being professional (in my book, that involved a lot of lying), being irresponsible, and unable to handle the social aspects of an education major; leaving classes partway through when those darn fluorescent lights were just too much; eating by myself often, because I couldn't handle eating with people when the cafeteria was crowded...

Get the idea?

1 comment:

  1. I just wrote a very similar post tonight.
    Your life could be my life.
    If you'd like to talk to someone who understands - my email is kgoldfie@gmail.com I'd love to say hello to you if you are interested.