One last vacation story for you, then it will be back to your regularly scheduled programming.
On Friday, while I was visiting Dad's side of the family, my sister and her husband took the train up from NYC to visit with the in-laws and my parents. They spent the day shopping and looking around at a nearby town. On Friday evening, I rode the train back to Manhattan with Emily and Matt. I spent the whole time playing Angry Birds on Matt's iPhone. Highly amusing.
Anyway, after a day of hunting down this doll in NYC (to no avail, though I had my heart set on it) and book shopping and kitty-seeing, I was exhausted and it was time to go back to the hotel with my parents. I thought my sister would take me to the station and get me on the train.
Well, not so. She said, "I moved to this city at 22 and had to navigate the entire thing by myself. We'll put you in the cab and give you directions, and you will find the train by yourself. If you get lost, you can ask an employee for help or call us and we'll help you."
I was terrified. Navigating is so not one of my strong suits. I even called my mom and said that Emily was just putting me in the cab. She said she thought I could do it myself and that she'd be waiting as soon as I got off the train.
Emily and Matt explained exactly how to find my train, what to do with my ticket, how to tip the cab driver, etc. They even offered to write it down. The explained and explained again. I was still terrified.
We walked to the street corner and Matt hailed a cab. "Take her right to the entrance of Grand Central Station."
After a fairly quick cab ride, I paid the cab driver his money ($7) plus his tip ($2) and made sure to get out of the cab onto the sidewalk and not into traffic. I asked, "Where is the station?" and the driver pointed it out. I got my bags and marched right in.
I immediately found the computer screen that Matt had talked about and found the blue line and the train that said Southeast. Track 112. I looked up and scanned the big central part of the station for something that led to track 112, and found tracks 107-120 labeled over a hallway. I followed the hallway. Then, I saw black and whites (a type of NY cookie), which are delicious, and I bought one to eat on the train. No, they're not gluten free and yes, I got sick and itchy from it, but it was delicious!
I looked up again and found tracks 111 and 112 and, following the hallway, found myself looking at a train that read Southeast, but its doors were shut. It was only 7:14 and my train didn't leave until 7:48. Holding my heavy bags, I stood directly in front of the door of that train until the doors opened at 7:30. I also got hungry (hadn't had any dinner) and enjoyed my black and white.
I watched out the window the whole way home and payed close attention to whcih stop it was the entire time. My stop was last. I got off the train and immediately saw my mom and Bob. They both hugged me and I said, "Too much love, too much love!" But really, I don't know when I was last so happy to see them!
Monday, July 5, 2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
My people
You know the country song (I looked it up; it's by Rodney Atkins) that says ,"These are my people. This is where I come from...."? That song has been playing in my head all day.
Cousin R picked me up from the hotel at 10 am sharp. She greeted my mom and I with hugs and they chatted for a few minutes, catching up on which kid is where and doing what. We headed back to Robin's house in her big truck, dog Tony along for the ride. Their house is huge, very unique and cool, and sits on a little lake.
R and I chatted (ahem, I repeat: I chatted) for an hour until Aunt D appeared. She knew that there was a "surpise" at R's, but not that it was me. As I peered around the kitchen door, she faced the opposite way, so I grabbed her into a tight hug. I swear, for all of five minutes, all she could say was, "Oh my gosh!" R finally said, "Mom, do you know who this is?" She said, "Of course I do! It's Lydia! Oh my gosh!"
Over the next five hours, the two of them took me on a whirlwind family tour. First, it was off to see Cousin E (er, cousin's daughter, technically, but she's my age) who has spent the last year traveling Europe on her own. I haven't seen her in 13 years, but we used to play profusely as children. We caught her on her lunch break at work. I was thrilled to see her after so long, having nothing but great memories of our times together. We talked for a few minutes, and then she had to get back to work, but now that we're Facebook friends I'm sure we'll stay caught up with each other.
Aunt D took me from there and we went to their little cottage in the back of Cousin S's yard. Uncle F, who loves art, films, cartoons, and Shakespeare and is somewhat reminiscent of Mr. Magoo, minus the eyesight problem and plus some suspenders, came home from a little day trip. I swear the man hasn't visibly aged in 40 years and hasn't changed in the slightest. He's truly one of my favorite people in the world.
As Uncle F sat down to a lunch of liverwurst and crackers, Cousin S came home from the local cafe/bakery he owns with his wife, Aida. After 20 minutes, it was time for us to head down to the bakery to see their daughter (also my age, working in NYC as a fashion industry intern). Becky and I got close when I visited them five years ago for a week, and it was so good to see her. She greeted me with a huge hug and, "I miss you, I miss you, I miss you!" We fit an unreal number of words into the 25 minutes we had, and it was time for Aunt D and Uncle F to take me back to meet R and head back to the hotel.
There are so many details I could add, but I'd be here forever. It's the best day I've had since... well, definitely since Disney World with my mom last year. It's probably in the top 10 of good days in my life, to be honest. I had lost all hope that I would ever be truly comfortable with people besides my mom and Leigh. I felt so incredibly... normal. I fit right in, even with the same-age cousins I had gotten so nervous about seeing. These people sound like me, look like me, talk like me, even think like me. It's a feeling I need to have more often, and one that I plan on returning to this winter via bus.
It's family.
Cousin R picked me up from the hotel at 10 am sharp. She greeted my mom and I with hugs and they chatted for a few minutes, catching up on which kid is where and doing what. We headed back to Robin's house in her big truck, dog Tony along for the ride. Their house is huge, very unique and cool, and sits on a little lake.
R and I chatted (ahem, I repeat: I chatted) for an hour until Aunt D appeared. She knew that there was a "surpise" at R's, but not that it was me. As I peered around the kitchen door, she faced the opposite way, so I grabbed her into a tight hug. I swear, for all of five minutes, all she could say was, "Oh my gosh!" R finally said, "Mom, do you know who this is?" She said, "Of course I do! It's Lydia! Oh my gosh!"
Over the next five hours, the two of them took me on a whirlwind family tour. First, it was off to see Cousin E (er, cousin's daughter, technically, but she's my age) who has spent the last year traveling Europe on her own. I haven't seen her in 13 years, but we used to play profusely as children. We caught her on her lunch break at work. I was thrilled to see her after so long, having nothing but great memories of our times together. We talked for a few minutes, and then she had to get back to work, but now that we're Facebook friends I'm sure we'll stay caught up with each other.
Aunt D took me from there and we went to their little cottage in the back of Cousin S's yard. Uncle F, who loves art, films, cartoons, and Shakespeare and is somewhat reminiscent of Mr. Magoo, minus the eyesight problem and plus some suspenders, came home from a little day trip. I swear the man hasn't visibly aged in 40 years and hasn't changed in the slightest. He's truly one of my favorite people in the world.
As Uncle F sat down to a lunch of liverwurst and crackers, Cousin S came home from the local cafe/bakery he owns with his wife, Aida. After 20 minutes, it was time for us to head down to the bakery to see their daughter (also my age, working in NYC as a fashion industry intern). Becky and I got close when I visited them five years ago for a week, and it was so good to see her. She greeted me with a huge hug and, "I miss you, I miss you, I miss you!" We fit an unreal number of words into the 25 minutes we had, and it was time for Aunt D and Uncle F to take me back to meet R and head back to the hotel.
There are so many details I could add, but I'd be here forever. It's the best day I've had since... well, definitely since Disney World with my mom last year. It's probably in the top 10 of good days in my life, to be honest. I had lost all hope that I would ever be truly comfortable with people besides my mom and Leigh. I felt so incredibly... normal. I fit right in, even with the same-age cousins I had gotten so nervous about seeing. These people sound like me, look like me, talk like me, even think like me. It's a feeling I need to have more often, and one that I plan on returning to this winter via bus.
It's family.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Mom saves the day
(Read the previous post to catch up...)
Sitting on the front of stoop of the town home where my sister's in-laws live (that's who we're visiting in New York), I told my mom how nervous I was about tomorrow. I said that I knew I needed to tell R about my ASD, but that I was too shy to do it. I asked if it would be too weird for her to call and explain a little (this is, after all, her ex-husband's niece). Awkward though it was, Mom called and explained and R didn't care at all. Not that I thought she'd care, just that I feel better knowing that she knows.
Anyone who reads my book, could you do me a simple favor? Leave feedback about it on the Lulu site (here). I need feedback so that I can take the feedback to the library and get my book in there. Thanks :)
Sitting on the front of stoop of the town home where my sister's in-laws live (that's who we're visiting in New York), I told my mom how nervous I was about tomorrow. I said that I knew I needed to tell R about my ASD, but that I was too shy to do it. I asked if it would be too weird for her to call and explain a little (this is, after all, her ex-husband's niece). Awkward though it was, Mom called and explained and R didn't care at all. Not that I thought she'd care, just that I feel better knowing that she knows.
Anyone who reads my book, could you do me a simple favor? Leave feedback about it on the Lulu site (here). I need feedback so that I can take the feedback to the library and get my book in there. Thanks :)
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
I am SO nervous
For as much talking as I do about my mom (we're practically joined at the hip; my mom says "it's a genetic thing," as she and my grandmother were the same way), you probably don't hear me mention my dad much. Dad lives about 3 miles away from Mom's house with his new family (stepsisters 28 and 25 are out of the house, stepsister 19 is moving out this fall, and half sisters 7 and 9 are the cutest, sweetest little buttons you've ever met). Stepmom believes some fallacies about ASDs: that I don't really have, that my mom caused my issues by spoiling me, and that the only cure I need is to be booted out and left to fend for myself. She is fairly verbal about her beliefs, leading me to avoid spending time with her. Since it's darn well near impossible to get my daddy without getting her too, I don't see him very much. Her beliefs aside, I love them both very much and believe that they both want the best for me. However, I'm not at a place in my life where I can stand up to the harsh criticism, especially of my beloved mother, so for now, staying away is the best thing I can do.
Growing up, I was super close to my dad's sisters and their families. They are much older than he is (now 79 and 70, Aunt D and Aunt "B"... I actually call her Aunt B... respectively), and I saw them almost yearly for a long time. Aunt D lives in New York and Aunt B lives in North Carolina, so about 10 hours either way from home. Since my dad got his new family, I've seen them both exactly twice (Aunt D most recently was a Daddy-daughter road trip in 2005; Aunt B was when my paternal grandmother died when I was 13 or 14). They are both like grandmothers to me, but since Dad got the RV and it's filled up with 4 people, I don't get to go see them. It's logistics to him, but still, it hurts.
Well, this week, we are visiting my sister's inlaws about an hour north of New York City. (Side note: I get to go to vintage toy stores on Saturday in the City with my sister, and I can't wait). Anyway, I told Dad I was leaving town for a few days, and he asked where to. I said "Some random place. Danbury, maybe?" He said, "Danbury, Connecticut? That's where Robin (Aunt Dona's daughter) lives! Can you see her?" I told him that we were going to New York, but I sure wished I could see her!
Today in the car, as we approached our midway destination of Wilkes-Barre, PA, I asked Mom if we were staying in CT. Affirmative. I immediately called Dad and he gave me R's phone number. I faced my massive telephone fear and called her. "Um, hi, R? This is Lydia. Dave's Lydia?" "Lydia! How are you, sweetie?" "Well, I just found out right now that I'll be in your town for the rest of the week. Is there any way I can see you? I'm dying to see you all." "I'm free! Just tell me where and when to pick you up. You'll come over to the house, right? Will and Eliza and Lyle (cousins) will be home too..."
So, Cousin R picks me up at 10 AM Friday morning. First, we go to see Aunt D and Uncle F in New York, then we go back to Robin's to catch up wth the my-age cousins.
Here's where the nerves set in. I greatly fear being compared to my "typical" cousins, who do things like live in NYC and travel Europe in their early 20's. Then there's me. I'm not upset about who I am, but I'm certain that my dad has never explained my diagnosis to my family. Given the way I struggle with verbal communication when I get anxious, I decided to text Robin. I said, "Robin, I just want to give you a heads up. My dad probably never told you that I have mild autism. It's gotten more obvious as I've gotten older. I'm super shy without my mom. I just wanted to let you know..."
She hasn't texted me back yet, though it's only been as long as it's taken to write this post.
What will she say? What if she never responds, and I have to play the game of, "So did you get my text?" What will they think of me?
Did I mention that I'm nervous?
Growing up, I was super close to my dad's sisters and their families. They are much older than he is (now 79 and 70, Aunt D and Aunt "B"... I actually call her Aunt B... respectively), and I saw them almost yearly for a long time. Aunt D lives in New York and Aunt B lives in North Carolina, so about 10 hours either way from home. Since my dad got his new family, I've seen them both exactly twice (Aunt D most recently was a Daddy-daughter road trip in 2005; Aunt B was when my paternal grandmother died when I was 13 or 14). They are both like grandmothers to me, but since Dad got the RV and it's filled up with 4 people, I don't get to go see them. It's logistics to him, but still, it hurts.
Well, this week, we are visiting my sister's inlaws about an hour north of New York City. (Side note: I get to go to vintage toy stores on Saturday in the City with my sister, and I can't wait). Anyway, I told Dad I was leaving town for a few days, and he asked where to. I said "Some random place. Danbury, maybe?" He said, "Danbury, Connecticut? That's where Robin (Aunt Dona's daughter) lives! Can you see her?" I told him that we were going to New York, but I sure wished I could see her!
Today in the car, as we approached our midway destination of Wilkes-Barre, PA, I asked Mom if we were staying in CT. Affirmative. I immediately called Dad and he gave me R's phone number. I faced my massive telephone fear and called her. "Um, hi, R? This is Lydia. Dave's Lydia?" "Lydia! How are you, sweetie?" "Well, I just found out right now that I'll be in your town for the rest of the week. Is there any way I can see you? I'm dying to see you all." "I'm free! Just tell me where and when to pick you up. You'll come over to the house, right? Will and Eliza and Lyle (cousins) will be home too..."
So, Cousin R picks me up at 10 AM Friday morning. First, we go to see Aunt D and Uncle F in New York, then we go back to Robin's to catch up wth the my-age cousins.
Here's where the nerves set in. I greatly fear being compared to my "typical" cousins, who do things like live in NYC and travel Europe in their early 20's. Then there's me. I'm not upset about who I am, but I'm certain that my dad has never explained my diagnosis to my family. Given the way I struggle with verbal communication when I get anxious, I decided to text Robin. I said, "Robin, I just want to give you a heads up. My dad probably never told you that I have mild autism. It's gotten more obvious as I've gotten older. I'm super shy without my mom. I just wanted to let you know..."
She hasn't texted me back yet, though it's only been as long as it's taken to write this post.
What will she say? What if she never responds, and I have to play the game of, "So did you get my text?" What will they think of me?
Did I mention that I'm nervous?
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Summer according to The Black Book
In some semblance of chronological order...
Meet with the man from the PA Autism Waiver to see if I meet the functional eligibility requirements. We thought I might be too high functioning to get the Waiver, but after a 2-hour interview, he said he doesn't think I am. We'll hear back from them soon about the (hopefully) next step.
Dentist appointment. Dentist says that I have gum disease, that my gums are pulling away from my teeth. This is no good. I have to go to a periodontist (gum doctor) to have a special "deep cleaning" in July. It will be painful. I will certainly ask to be somehow sedated, as I absolutely hate things in my mouth.
Go to New York to visit my sister's in-laws. My stepdad is getting his car tuned up (don't ask me why; it's a new car) so we will take his car, which means no eating, drinking, or breathing. My aunt lent me her portable DVD player, so this will be nice for the ride, because I get sick when I try to read. Also, I will spend a night in my sister's (tiny) apartment in Manhattan and go shopping and go to Serendipity 3 the next day for frozen hot chocolate. I am excited!
Moving out in July sometime. Don't know more speicific than that.
The week of July 18th is the Week of Doctors Appointments. I have 4 that week. Yuck.
In the end of July, Aunt Mary (Mom's sister) is taking me to see Hairspray performed downtown. Very excited for this.
August is still blank. I will have appointments on Mondays, work on Tuesdays, chiropractor and CET group on Wednesdays, work on Thursdays, and chiropractor and CET computer work on Fridays. Oh, and work some Sundays, possibly. Sounds busy enough to me!
Meet with the man from the PA Autism Waiver to see if I meet the functional eligibility requirements. We thought I might be too high functioning to get the Waiver, but after a 2-hour interview, he said he doesn't think I am. We'll hear back from them soon about the (hopefully) next step.
Dentist appointment. Dentist says that I have gum disease, that my gums are pulling away from my teeth. This is no good. I have to go to a periodontist (gum doctor) to have a special "deep cleaning" in July. It will be painful. I will certainly ask to be somehow sedated, as I absolutely hate things in my mouth.
Go to New York to visit my sister's in-laws. My stepdad is getting his car tuned up (don't ask me why; it's a new car) so we will take his car, which means no eating, drinking, or breathing. My aunt lent me her portable DVD player, so this will be nice for the ride, because I get sick when I try to read. Also, I will spend a night in my sister's (tiny) apartment in Manhattan and go shopping and go to Serendipity 3 the next day for frozen hot chocolate. I am excited!
Moving out in July sometime. Don't know more speicific than that.
The week of July 18th is the Week of Doctors Appointments. I have 4 that week. Yuck.
In the end of July, Aunt Mary (Mom's sister) is taking me to see Hairspray performed downtown. Very excited for this.
August is still blank. I will have appointments on Mondays, work on Tuesdays, chiropractor and CET group on Wednesdays, work on Thursdays, and chiropractor and CET computer work on Fridays. Oh, and work some Sundays, possibly. Sounds busy enough to me!
Friday, June 25, 2010
A book is born
Interview with Autism is officially published on Lulu and is available at here.
Not sure if it's available outside the US, but if you can't buy it on Lulu, you're in the UK, and you want the book, just let me know and we'll work something out.
Not sure if it's available outside the US, but if you can't buy it on Lulu, you're in the UK, and you want the book, just let me know and we'll work something out.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Comments needed
If I were to self-publish my book, Interview with Autism, about my experience with life on the spectrum, would anyone buy it? I wouldn't make more than a few dollars, and that's not what I'm interested in... I just want people to get a perspective on autism.
Any takers?
Any takers?
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