Just getting my feet wet

Deep breath.

I'm not sure I'm ready for this, but here goes...

It's been 3 weeks since I went into the eating disorders unit at the hospital. My blood sugars, which were as high as 700 and as low as 39 (both really, really scary), are now in decent control. I'm off my insulin pump and back on at least 5 injections a day. My feet and legs are no longer swollen to double their size. I was on an IV for 3 days, because I was so dehydrated that I didn't pee for 24 hours. I had every GI issue imaginable, including 15 days of constipation. Yes. Days. My blood pressure was as low as 80/44, but it's solidly 120/80 now. My electrolytes in my blood were messed up and my I had starvation induced even-worse-hypothryroidism, but all of that is back to normal.

That's the difference between a diet and an ED. A diet is usually good for your body; an eating disorder can kill you, and, if left alone, will. Not everyone with an ED is at a scary-low weight, either.

So where from here? Well, first of all, I'm on a balanced 2200 calories a day. I got the go-ahead from the dietician at the hospital to work out for an hour 4 times a week in an attempt to lose one-half to one pound per week (as opposed to the 1-2 pounds a day I was losing before). I'm going to join the gym tomorrow when I get home from partial. Speaking of partial, the doctor at the hospital refuses to let me go to ED-focused partial. I have to go to general women's partial which focuses on depression and anxiety. Now, I'll give you that I have my share of anxiety, but I've had so much therapy for it, I'm not sure what else I can learn. I'm a little frustrated because I don't feel like I'm getting the treatment I actually need. But, it's not up to me, and I'll take whatever structure I can get. I start tomorrow at 9 AM.

This leaves one big question, which is the study I'm in. It's next door to partial, and it's from 3-6:30PM on Wednesdays, while partial runs 5 days a week from 9-3. It would mean one very long day (well, there will be several other really long days due to doctor's appointments and things like that). Basically, I'm strongly considering dropping out of the study. I don't see that I can continue with it right now, and it'll probably be a month before I have time and that's too long to keep skipping.

Elsie P and I are thrilled to be back in the apartment. Mom took me grocery shopping and I now have more food in my house than I've ever had... I'm stocked! It's neat to have options about what to eat instead of just one or two choices. I spent $80 on groceries this week, which I can't afford to do every week, but... well, we'll see how that works out.

Well, that's all I got for now. I'll let you know how this partial thing works out... I'm trying hard to be optimistic about it. They almost sent me to residential, but my insurance refuses to pay for it. Then they were going to send me to a month of respite, but there's a long waiting list so it's kind of pointless. So, praise the Lord, I'm HOME.